CRIS GOES ABROAD

"You spend so much time with other people, you spend so much time trying get people to like you, you know other people more you know yourself, you study them, you know about them, you wanna hang out like them, you wanna be just like them, and you know why? You invest so much time on them you don't know who you are. I challenge you to spend time by yourself. It's necessary that you get the losers out of your life, if you want to live your dream."

I was watching a video on Facebook, when I heard this paragraph and I wanted to quote it because I couldn't agree more. I always see people comparing themselves to other people. It is time to live our own life, to do it the way we want to and let people live theirs the way they want to.

"Did you see what he achieved? I wish I could do something like that.."
Who says you can't do it yourself? Who says he is better? Just do your own thing, if you want something, work on it and make it happen. I'm sure the person you are comparing yourself with didn't achieve it out of nothing. We just see the best of people, we see what they want us to see. If we knew what they went through, I'm sure we would love our own life a little more.



On the other hand, there is people who says shit about you just because they think they are cooler than you. Just know that they are as cool as you are. Don't choose your host country because it is cool, because it is the place a cool person would choose. Go somewhere YOU would like to see and explore. Live the culture, don't go there to drink the umpteenth beer, get drunk and screw the whole year up because your organization sends you home earlier. Have fun, of course, but don't make breaking the rules your first purpose on exchange. I don't wanna be the partypooper or to sound like your mom, I'm saying this because a lot of people get caught and I'm sure it was no fun to end their exchange earlier.
I spent my whole summer before departure trying to convince my parents to let me go on exchange, they raised the money and they finally signed my application. Living in the USA was my dream, was it worth it to ruin everything over a beer? Let me tell you, it is not. Drink it when you are beyond sure you are not risking to be sent home, then drink as much as you want and have fun. And first of all, YOU have to decide if you want to drink it, don't do it because they push you. Once you get caugh you can't say "I did it because they did" but you have to take your responsibility.

Be the person you wanna be, don't do what society wants you to do. As exchange students we should promote diversity, we need to understand that what is different from us isn't always wrong or bad. You don't need to be accepted by people, people need to love your real you, and not make a copy of themselves.

// ps click on “Follow” (right hand-side) so you won't miss future updates //
- Cris

The first thing I thought when I was at the airport getting ready to go back home after my exchange was that I lived the best experience of my life so far. However, I promised myself to keep getting out of my comfort zone and live my life the way I want. This is why I don't fancy staying in one place for my whole life! In my opinion, life isn't meant to be lived in one place only. I don't want life to pass by neither to regret things when I get older.

Last summer when I returned home I was happy to see family and friends, to be greeted by my dog and to walk through my hometown, but it only lasted a few days. My parents thought I did not like home anymore, that I had a problem with them or something. Reality is that I was missing my exchange year badly. Wasn't it understandable? I couldn't just pretend that 11 months never happened. So yes, I needed time to settle once again, even if we are speaking about home. I had to accept the fact that after one year of new experiences, I went back to my old and boring routine. 

No one seemed to care, the only thing they cared about was having me back, they didn't even consider that I was hurting. When they did realize something was wrong, they told me to cheer up because hey "you will have the opportunity to go back and visit!". 

A tip for you all: if you ever have to comfort a former exchange student dealing with depression, do not say that they can go back and visit. It should be obvious that we look forward to visiting, but it will never be the same. 

Please people, do not tell me something like "Why do you want to study abroad again? Why don't you care about me? Why do you leave me here? Aren't we enough?" You need to understand that I don't leave because I hate you, I leave because I love myself. This is what I need. I am still young and I want to keep my options open. There's lots of time before I have to settle somewhere. There is always time to go back home, where our own story started.

UPDATE: It's May 2020, I already graduated from University, I went on Erasmus, I did an Internship in the USA (exactly where I did my exchange year, so in fact, I did have the opportunity to go back!), and I am currently living in Portugal where I am quarantined, away from my family. Fast-forward 4 years from the very first time I wrote this and I can now say that after this state of emergency, I will definitely go back home for a while.

Read Also: "Five Things I've Done For The First Time On Exchange."

- Cris

Arriving in a foreign country on your own at a young age is definitely something hard to deal with, but what's even harder, according to me, is having to leave everything behind once your time abroad is up and you need to go back.

A few days ago I decided to read, after a long time, my old blog. The one I wrote prior and during my exchange experience. I must admit that it was a poor decision. When I was 15 and going on exchange was still just a blurry dream, I spent afternoons reading blogs of the current exchange students, to see what they were doing and get inspired, in a way. While I was reading mine I felt like I was reading someone else's blog. It's a fact that the person I was on exchange was different from my 15 year-old self, but now I can promise you that I already feel distant from my 17 year-old self. No doubt that we change every day but it is just interesting when you keep track of the things you do and think and go back to read all those records years after. That's when you realise that there has been an actual change. 

ARRIVING IN MY HOST COUNTRY...

When I arrived in the US I was incredibly excited. After 17 hours of traveling, when I arrived at my new home I couldn't fall asleep. I didn't want to close my eyes, I was scared I could wake up back in Italy. I woke up at 6 am, which means that I basically slept 6 hours or so, and before that, I stayed up for like 24 hours straight. I didn't really know what to do at that moment so I decided to set up my room and unpack my things. Subsequently, I went upstairs to see if someone was already up. My American parents were really surprised I was up at 8 am, they hosted 16 times before me and no one woke up that early on their first day. I was full of excitement and I went to wash the car with my American dad who drove me around the city to show me what it had to offer. It was amazing to drive through those big roads even though it all looked rural to me, very different from my hometown, Milan.

...DEPARTING FROM MY HOST COUNTRY

I can't really talk about just my last night in the US because I just cried my eyes out for hours, so I am going to talk about my last three weeks there. Even if they were the last ones, I was really busy. I had my last rotary conference, and that's when my friends and I started crying. It was a really emotional moment, everyone sang along and we said goodbye until... God knows.

The day I said goodbye to the most amazing people I've ever met, I stayed in bed. But then I told myself I had to live my last days to the fullest. I hung out with my American friends, I celebrated my American brother's birthday and I visited a new city in Colorado, Boulder. I went to Hawaii for about a week, I surfed in Waikiki and then I spent 6 days in beautiful Kauai. For my last dinner in the US, I decided to have Chinese food at a restaurant where we used to go really often. The interesting thing is that I had dinner with the person who I had my first dinner with, and I saw her just those two times. I got really emotional when my family was driving me to the airport.. Once I entered the car I realized I wasn't going to go back to my American home. My exchange was over. My American parents spoke with my American brother about other things, they probably didn't want to deal with the situation. That was the last car ride of my exchange, my last goodbye, my last human bean coffee. I kept looking out the window because I didn't feel like crying in front of everyone. I didn't want to admit it was over. I kept looking at the Rocky Mountains.. and then, before I realized it, I was checking in at the desk. There, I focused on the good things because I was tired of crying. Good things end too, and I had to be okay with it. I was going to see my family and friends after 11 months, how could I not be happy? But eventually, I took off and...

Then I arrived home, I spent 2 beautiful days, my best friend surprised me at the airport and my mom threw a surprise party for me. The day after my arrival it was my sister's birthday so I even celebrated that. It was amazing but then I started feeling weird, arguing with my parents.. I felt like I wasn't in the right place and things were falling apart. I was desperately missing my exchange...

Read more about "My Return Home".

- Cris

It's been months since I came back from exchange, but the desire of travelling and meeting people from all over didn't go away, and it probably never will. These days there are a lot of rotary exchange students on their EuroTrip: they basically travel through Europe on a bus for a couple of weeks. They stop in places like Paris, Strasbourg, Munich, Prague, Vienna, Venice.. and then my hometown: Milan.

I love the fact that we are in the 21st century. I follow a lot of exchange students on social networks and one of them happened to be on her way to Milan. I decided to text her and join her group. I showed them around and chatted for a few hours. I felt weird because not even a year ago I was the one road tripping. They were really nice to me, but seeing how excited, happy and close they were made me think about my exchange. I extremely miss everything and everyone. I remember laughing 24/7, proudly taking pictures with our own flag, making bad jokes.. I mean exchange is literally the time of our lives, at least so far. We experience so much in such a short period of time; one year seems a lot at the beginning but it is not that long, time flies.

It hurts to meet cool people in the morning and have to say goodbye in the afternoon. There's no time to really get to know each other. But I keep doing it, because meeting people from other places is fun.

After my bus trip and when my american family drove me to the airport, I felt like my heart was taken away. I felt empty and I couldn't stop feeling sad. I still remember the pain I felt back then, but I am about to start college in Denmark, which means I will start a new life, just like I did a couple of years ago. I just cannot stay at home. I know that I will probably feel sad and empty in a few years because of the same reasons I felt that way before, but I couldn't care less.

My point is: The hardest moment is leaving your host country because your exchange will be over forever, no more DQ blizzards with your host family, no more football games, school dances or rotary trips. Nothing. You won't take it back. It hurts when it ends, but IT IS WORTH IT. I'd go on exchange again and again.

- Cris

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