DEPRESSION POST-EXCHANGE.

Monday, December 14, 2015 Cristian 24 Comments

Hello guys, I'm going through a tough time, but I know I am not the only one. I see a lot of people talking about homesickness during exchange, I want to talk about the one you feel post exchange, because according to me it is the worst kind. You know you will never live the life you lived in your host country, you scroll down your camera roll and you think "Was this real? Was I there? And were they there for and with me?" yes, yes and yes. It was real, but it felt like a dream, and not even a long one, but a really short dream.

I remember when I was getting into the plane from my home country like it was 5 minutes ago. I remember crossing the gate and receiving a text message from my dad saying "Do you want to meet? Maybe if you enter this shop we can meet again". I responded "Dad, I just saw you" and I kept going forward because I was ready to go and I wanted him to be too. Even if I came back to say goodbye one more time, eventually I'd have left again and it could have been harder for him and my mom.

My adventure ended, forever. By the time everything was getting so perfect in every regard, I had to go home. It is like I paused my american life, but I know I cannot resume it.

It is hard to move forward because everything here is the same, same school, same roads, same habits, same crap. The only thing that changed is the level of difficulty of school, and it changed badly.

But we need to keep our adventurer soul alive, archive the past and live the present. I have so many plans for the future that I do not even know which one to choose. I am thinking on studying abroad again, as an international student, so basically I will be out of my home country for my whole college career. Also, I wanna try to do my internships elsewhere because my goal is to travel as much as I can while I am young and to meet amazing people from all over.

While abroad I found out who I really am and I want to keep on doing what I love. People will think you are crazy if you leave again, they will say you don't care about them. The truth is they don't fully understand you. They don't understand that you don't want to take just a vacation but traveling is your passion, you do it because you love it and maybe you need to. I feel like I can't fully express who I am at home because everyone knows me, everyone think they know my limits, the truth is they don't. I would do so many things if I could.

I'm gonna stop here, I don't want to lose the point of the post:
After exchange there is another step: depression. But after that there is you and your decisions. Make good ones and live again. Exchange was just a chapter of our book and we need to keep writing it. Remember, we left once, we can do it again. Exchange is gone, but something else is on its way.

- Cris

24 comments:

UnknownDecember 13, 2015 at 7:39 PM
Wow! This post is great! I was an exchange student last year in America. I can really relate to that. Thank you so much for your encouraging words!
UnknownDecember 13, 2015 at 7:57 PM
You are a great writer. I love your articles. I´ll be an exchange student for 2016/2017. Right now I´m in application process and I´m waiting to get mail from american side of agency. I´m so excited although I have no idea what I should expect...I hope I´ll have so much luck like you. No one around me believe I can do it. Thank you for your post, it is charming.
P.S. Sorry for my terrible english :)
Regards form Czech republic
Baraprincess1December 13, 2015 at 9:14 PM
Great post that I can totally relate to! Check out my blog!
barbaragoesabroad.wordpress.com
UnknownDecember 14, 2015 at 5:12 AM
Thank you so much for posting this. I was on exchange in Japan for this past year and I'm dealing with quite a bit of post-exchange depression, but this article has given me some hope that I can still be an adventurer and that I'll get through this. Thank you for reminding me what happened was real and that I'll get back there someday.
FinnwillDecember 14, 2015 at 7:11 PM
Goddamnit this is awesome. I will leave France in 26 days to come back to Argentina and this helps a lot to prepare me to face the comeback. thank you and please keep writing
UnknownDecember 15, 2015 at 12:01 AM
Awesome blog post. I'm going home in just over three weeks, dreading it so much. This made me feel a bit better x
GreensherbetDecember 22, 2015 at 4:34 AM
I was an exchange student a couple years ago. 2012/2013. USA.

I felt exactly the same way, and its funny that both of us found the same solution. I have gone through a terrible depression after my exchange year and always trying to get out. i live in a very undeveloped country. It's not that I dont love my country, I do. But the systems and society are so messed up I needed to get out.

but it is also not so easy to get out. It required a ton od money to be an internation student in an English Speaking Countries. I feel bad for asking my parent for that much money.
So now, I'm just trying to live with my society and fight depression and anxiety. I'm trying to travel along the way. Hope all the best to you, guys who are suffering through post exchange depression. It will get better, and something great is ahead of us ALWAYS!
MeredithJanuary 1, 2016 at 3:42 AM
Hey! I went to Indonesia for 10 months on Rotary Youth Exchange (2012-2013). You wrote a great article! It's so true! All of it! Especially the part about looking at all the photos from exchange and thinking "Was it real? Was I really there? It felt like a dream... Did I really meet these people?" I go through this every time I look at my photos. It's so hard going through this during school. I want to go back so bad, but I haven't been able to during the past couple years. :( I will go back soon!
UnknownMay 25, 2016 at 7:32 PM
Heyy! I'm currently an exchange student and guess what! Sono italiana anch'io! Lascero' gli Stati Uniti fra esattamente 34 giorni, and I'm not ready at all. Mi posso rivedere nelle tue parole sebbene debba ancora tornare a casa.. but you're right, exchange year was just a chapter, a big chapter. I wrote on my blog something similar, if you want to check it out! www.agirlinlovewiththeworldblog.wordpress.com ! Adoro il tuo blog! Talk to you soon, hopefully :) -Giada
UnknownJune 5, 2016 at 9:00 PM
“I’m tired of seeing the same thing. Everybody’s so miserable here because they see the same things everyday, they wake up in the same bed, same houses, same depressing streetlights, one gas station, grass, it’s not even green, it’s brown. Everything is the same and everyone is just sad. I really don’t want to end up like them. I just want to get out of here. There’s more than just spring break. This is our chance to see something different.” that's it !! you should be a journalist wow