The next phase is a sort of denial, the “life’s perfect, I don’t want to go home, I want to stay in my bubble forever”, where you practical run around singing and dancing in the streets because life is so perfect and every moment can never be ruined or forgotten. You go about your life with a spring in you step, just taking every experience in and sucking in as much as you can. But you’re so in love with life and blinded by that love to see that your bubble will soon pop.

And when that bubble burst and your happiness crumbles it marks the beginning of the next stage “the emotional breakdowns of realisation”, you start to think about when will the next time I do this or see these people again, when will the next time be when I’m in this city again? And the questions begin to clear and crowd your head with realisation. You realise that time is almost gone and there’s nothing you can do about it.  You start to notice yourself doing things for the last time but yet you can still remember doing them for the first, but all becomes so normal to you now. It becomes your daily life, it feels like home, it feels so natural now. But doing those exact same things for the last time makes you stop and think about how far you’ve come. Not knowing when you’ll be back or if you’ll ever meet you host country friends again or exchange student friends and all the heart breaking goodbyes but you never really know when it will be the last time you see them and the uncertainty will eat you away. With every goodbye your heart will break a little and every person will take a little bit back home with them so your heart is spread across the globe and is bigger than ever before.

The last stage is the “dead neutral stage” and not everybody will go through this, some might be torn and others egger for the last day. But to be dead neutral is by fair the worst because you’re so blank and emotionless, that you feel dead. But you’re alive and feeling everything at the same time. Going home is like going insane. Thinking about your home life the previous year leave you feeling hollow and empty because you can’t fill those shoes anymore, they don’t fit you anymore. However, there will be a new pair of shoes for you to fill, ones that you get to mould and create to fit you perfectly.

The final goodbye will make you sick to your stomach and you’ll find yourself waking up panicking because the hallways are too small in this country or you’ve forgotten a word in your host language. It’s the small things that will scare you the most. It’s the goodbyes you didn’t get that to say will eat you away and the hellos of the other side that will cure your heart. Although you’ll never be quite whole again, you find new ways to slowly lose the rest of yourself. But that is what it is to be an exchange student…

- Kat Puchert